


I'm Pretty Much the Same as I Was Back Then

by ifwallscouldspeak



Category: The Carrie Diaries
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash February, Future Fic, School Reunion, Secretly Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-18 04:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13674207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifwallscouldspeak/pseuds/ifwallscouldspeak
Summary: They both agreed it wouldn’t bother them, acting like they’re not together for this stupid reunion.Maggie’s sure that if she repeats the lie to herself enough times, she’ll start to believe it.(Inspired by the prompt, “it doesn’t bother me.”)





	I'm Pretty Much the Same as I Was Back Then

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “High School Never Ends” by Bowling for Soup.
> 
> Written for my personal [Femslash February](http://lo-cotidiano.tumblr.com/tagged/jennifer+does+femslash+february) challenge :)

+++

 

“I hate the babysitter. Why can’t Donna stay with me?” Pete Jr. whines, swinging his legs off of the side of his mother’s bed.

Maggie turns her face so she can roll her eyes without her son seeing. Across the room, Donna smirks at her as she slips on a pair of four-inch heels.

“Mommy already told you, P.J.,” Maggie says, “Donna and I are going to our reunion.”

“Then why can’t I come with you?”

“Maybe when you’re older,” Maggie says, for the eighth time in the past two days.

P.J. grumbles something and then rolls off of the bed, muttering about putting Maggie in a home when she’s older. Maggie sighs, wiping her bangs off of her forehead. She swears, her kid’s not even a teenager yet, and he’s already giving her a rough go of it. Not that he isn’t a great kid; he turned out pretty well, being raised by a single mom, if she doesn’t say so herself. But damn, does he have a mouth on him half the time.

“Can’t believe it’s been ten years already,” Donna says mildly.

She comes up behind Maggie to zipper her dress all the way up. Maggie shivers slightly when one of Donna’s hands rests on her hip lightly. Then she feels Donna gently tug on one of her earlobes with her teeth, before kissing at the spot behind her ear. Maggie sighs, turning around in Donna’s arms.

“We could always skip it,” Maggie suggests.

Donna gives her an annoyed look; it’s the same one she’s been shooting Maggie since they both got their invitations in the mail, months earlier. Donna had been unmistakably excited to see - and make fun of - all of their old peers. _I can’t wait to see who’s gotten fat and who’s got a drug addiction_. Maggie had just rolled her eyes before the anxiety started setting in.  

They don’t ever really name the thing between them, but Maggie knows they’re dating mostly exclusively. It started a few years back, hanging out because of habit and necessity, as the only ones from their class still stuck in Castlebury. Somewhere along the way, it became more than a friendship. Maggie can’t remember the last time Donna didn’t stay over, the two of them watching television with her kids or quietly making love late at night.

It’s not like they’re ashamed of their… relationship. But it’s a small town and there’s no one that’s as progressive as they pretend to be. Plus, it’s all too complicated to iron out the details, especially to Maggie’s kid. So once they got the reunion invitations, there wasn’t really a question of what to do. They both agreed it wouldn’t bother them, acting like they’re not together for this stupid reunion.

Maggie’s sure that if she repeats the lie to herself enough times, she’ll start to believe it.

 

+++

 

The gym looks exactly like it did for all of their school dances. It’s decorated in cheap Party City streamers and tablecloths; pop-rock music from their youth drones softly in the background. Maggie nervously touches her nametag. Beside her, Donna gently touches the small of her back before quickly stepping away from her. Maggie’s stomach knots. She wants nothing more than to move back into Donna’s space, grab her hand, and cuddle on her couch together. Donna glances at her, a look that reads _don’t even think about it. We don’t back down from hard shit, remember?_

The room is already halfway filled up, mostly with people Maggie vaguely remembers from her classes. She spots the Jens, already laughing together across the room. When they turn and wave, she practically feels Donna’s hesitation, like she’s not sure she should go over there or not.

“Just do it,” Maggie says. “I’m fine here.”

Donna frowns at her. “I don’t want to leave you by your- ”

“Maggie!”

A high, excited voice makes Maggie turn around.

“Mouse!”

The tension eases inside of her as she reaches for her old friend and they hug tightly. When they pull away, it’s her first instinct to look to Donna. But when she turns her face, she’s already halfway across the room, yelling a warm greeting to the Jens. Maggie’s heart drops, and she tries to keep the smile on her face when she looks back at Mouse.

“Mouse, you look amazing,” Maggie says. “Or - should I say Dr. Chen now?”

Before Mouse can respond, none other than Sebastian Kydd walks into the gym. His eyes catch on Maggie’s, than on the back of Mouse’s head, before that slow, easy grin Maggie’s always remembered creeps onto his face. He walks over to them, casually slinging his arm around Mouse’s shoulders.

“Well, look at these beautiful ladies,” he says.

Mouse squeaks, her entire face turning red. Maggie raises her eyebrows as she dances away from Sebastian and shoots him a murderous glare. He shrugs back at her, still grinning. Maggie wonders if she’s missing something.

“Sebastian, great to see you,” she says instead of asking.

“Yeah, Sebastian,” Mouse says through gritted teeth. “Great to see you.”

“It’s been a long time,” Sebastian says, something vaguely - threateningly? Sensually? Teasingly? Maggie can’t tell - coloring his tone.

“Yes,” Mouse says firmly. “Why don’t we all go get drinks together and catch up?”

 

+++

 

All of them - including Donna, the Jens and Walt, who shows up a few minutes after them  - end up migrating to the table closest to the food spread. There are tons of bottles of wine, fancy meats, and cheeses that Maggie can’t even pronounce.

It’s simultaneously one of the most fun and one of the most awkward situations Maggie’s has ever been in. In her quest to distance herself from Donna, she’s deposited herself right between Walt and Mouse. Donna sits across from her, practically in Sebastian’s lap.

And of course Maggie knows what Donna’s doing, by leaning in too close to him and flirtingly touching his arm. It’s not like Sebastian is making the moves on Donna or anything, either; he’s just laughing along as he usually does. But it still makes her grit her teeth every time she does it. Something inside Maggie wants to yell _stop flirting with my woman_ and just snatch Donna’s arm off of Sebastian.

She’s not sure why, but it seems like she’s not the only one annoyed by it. Every time Donna flips her hair back or lets out a throaty laugh Mouse’s grip on her wine glass gets tighter. More than once, Maggie hears her mumble something about _some things never fucking change_. She’s not sure what’s got Mouse all upset, but figures it might be residual loyalty about Kyddshaw. They were the shining couple of Castlebury, which Maggie - and Donna - knows all too well.

“I’m not surprised Carrie’s not here,” Donna’s saying a bit of bitterness over their old rivalry lacing her tone. “Now that she’s got a swanky job in the City.”

“It’s what she’s always wanted.” Sebastian’s voice is mild. “Can’t fault her for that.”

“Speaking of getting what you want,” Maggie says, trying to change the topic, “Mouse, how do you like being a pediatrician?”

Mouse grins, her entire face lighting up. “It’s great, honestly. I love interacting with kids.”

“That’s great, Mouse,” Maggie says. “I bet you’re an awesome doctor. I wish P.J.’s pediatrician was as enthusiastic as you are.”

Mouse frowns. “Is there something wrong with his bedside manner, or -”

Donna says, “The last time we were in there, he kept calling Him ‘Tommy’ and gave him another measles vaccine, when he had already taken it.”

Maggie knows Donna says it unthinkingly, only half paying attention to the conversation at hand. But everyone at the table, including Maggie, freezes once she’s done speaking. Sebastian’s eyebrows go high up on his forehead, and one of the Jens coughs awkwardly. Maggie twists the napkin in her lap up so tightly it rips. Belatedly, Donna’s face blanches for a minute as she realizes what she’s just exposed.

“Or, I remember you telling me that, anyway, Maggie,” Donna says quickly, trying to recover. “When we ran into each other, at the supermarket. It’s all you can blab about these days, your kid.”

“Right,” Maggie says, catching the manic gleam in Donna’s eyes. “Yah, you know me. No life outside of my own progeny.”

They laugh awkwardly together as everyone at the table just stares at them. The lull only ends when Walt chuckles nervously and launches into a story about his new promotion. Maggie uses that as an excuse to flee, pretending like she has to use the bathroom. She doesn’t look at Donna while she does it.

She takes long, quick strides out of the gym and down the hall. She just needs a few moments away to breathe away the nerves in her stomach.

She hates this, the phoniness and the lies. It reminds her of being back in high school, when she was sleeping with that sleazebag cop and couldn't tell anyone. Except this time it’s much worse, because Donna is everything Maggie thought Simon would be. She’s funny and sharp and secretly kind and makes killer mac and cheese and kisses Maggie like she’s the center of her universe.

“Maggie, wait!” Donna’s voice trails after her.

Maggie takes a deep breath and keeps walking, pretending like she hasn’t heard anything. Donna catches up to her anyway, gently tugging her elbow back and turning Maggie around. When she glances up, she sees the barest hint of an apology in Donna’s eye. Maggie glances away.

“Sorry, it just slipped out,” Donna says. “I’ll be more careful, okay?”

“It’s completely stupid that you even have to -” Maggie bursts out before stopping herself.

Donna takes a short, small inhale. “Maggie -”

“I’m sorry, but I just -” Maggie crosses her arms over her chest. “Actually, no I’m not.”

Donna’s eyes search hers. “What…”

“We’re together, Donna!” Maggie bursts out. “And it’s stupid that we have to hide it, for what? To look cool in front of people we haven’t spoken to in years? I don’t want to pretend like we didn’t show up together or that you aren’t there for all of my kid’s appointments or that we don’t kiss before one of us leaves for work.”

“But I thought...” Donna trails off. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“What?”

“You were the one who suggested it in the first place,” Donna says.

And there - it’s something Maggie doesn’t hear often, but recognizes immediately. That flash of real pain, the one that says _maybe if I pretend I’m good enough everyone will believe it, too_. A cold, harsh feeling sinks in Maggie’s chest, and she can’t believe how stupid both of them have been. She takes a step closer, gently wrapping her arms around Donna’s waist. She tilts her head down just slightly, her mouth just inches away from Donna’s lips and the soft sigh that escapes from them.

“Donna,” she says, softly. “I -”

“What is going on with you two?”

They spring apart at the sound of Mouse’s voice.

Mouse and Sebastian stand a few feet away from them, mouths partially open. Mouse looks completely confused, but there’s a slow look of understanding dawning over Sebastian’s. Donna shifts, like she’s about to cross her arms over her chest, but then stops. She straightens her back and reaches for Maggie’s hand. There’s a bold, confident look on her face; something tugs at Maggie’s heart, recognizing the fear underneath it. She swallows and then reaches back, intertwining Donna’s fingers with hers.

“You guys are together,” Sebastian says.

“Yeah, we are,” Donna says.

Sebastian just nods slowly, an impressed and thoughtful look passing over his face. Maggie worries her bottom lip as Donna’s fingers clench in hers, ever so slightly. Mouse stands still, blinking at them slowly for a few moments, before a huge grin breaks out onto her face. She grabs onto Sebastian’s arm, tugging at him.

“Seb,” she says, glee in her voice.

To Maggie’s complete surprise, Sebastian glances down at her, his own grin spreading across his face. He mutters something to Mouse - Maggie can’t quite hear, over the beating of her own heart - before slinging his arm over her shoulder and tucking her into his side. Mouse giggles and leans her head against his chest, bringing her hand up to hold the one resting around her shoulder. Maggie furrows her brow as Mouse looks at her expectantly, happiness glowing on her face.

“Oh my God,” Maggie breathes as she realizes what’s happening here.

Donna’s mouth drops open. “Wait - you two?”

“Yes,” Mouse beams.

“We didn’t want to make a big scene tonight, so we kept it quiet,” Sebastian explains. “You know.”

Boy, did they ever.

“But - ” Donna sputters. “How?”

“When?” Maggie blurts out.

She knows she’s in no space to question Mouse and Sebastian’s relationship, honestly. Except there’s a whirlwind of emotions happening in her stomach and she has no idea which one to feel out first. She’s excited and confused and still a bit worried; but Mouse is grinning at her conspiratorially, like they always did when they were teenagers. And maybe she’s being naive, in this moment, but somehow, Maggie feels like everything’s gonna be okay.

“We could ask you two the same thing,” Mouse teases.

Maggie’s lips curl into a smile. “Well.”

“I have an idea,” Sebastian says. “Why don’t we ditch the charcuterie for some diner food?”

Donna smirks, squeezing Maggie’s hand slightly. “Just like old times.”

They trail after Sebastian and Mouse, still wrapped around each other. Mouse laughs, high and bright, as they exit the school together. Maggie leans over to kiss Donna on the cheek and thinks, _well, not exactly._

 

+++


End file.
